Knight and Day

Emasculated Dad is on a roll!  Two reviews of current movies in two weeks!  Time to buy a freaking lottery ticket — and I’m talking about you, not me.  Because you are the lucky ones.  On to the review…

This week I get to review Knight and Day — and I actually saw it.  This action comedy stars Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz, two people who make interesting headlines in their personal life.  Tom Cruise because he believes aliens inhabited and populated the Earth, giving him infinite knowledge in the discipline of psychology, and because he does what my 5-year-old does and jumps on couches no matter how many times we tell her it’s wrong.

And Cameron Diaz because in a recent interview, she basically admitted she trolls the country for cock.   Don’t believe me?  Here’s the quote…

“Oh gosh, I can’t even count how many times I’ve gotten on a plane for love. It’s not unusual in this business; my lifestyle demands it. I’m always traveling for [whispers] cock. You’ve got to go where it is.” – Cameron Diaz

And just to prove I didn’t make it up, here is one link of many about the interview.

And here’s where the movie and her quote get interesting.  Knight and Day starts… wait for it… on a plane!!!  How’s that for coincidence?  Actually, the movie starts in an airport, and then proceeds to a plane.  And I have to say, the scene on the plane is pretty freaking funny, and sets the tone for what is an enjoyable ride.  Think Bourne Identity, but funny, and that’s what Knight and Day is.

It’s about a guy named Roy Miller (Tom Cruise) who is a bad-ass, out of his freaking mind (type casting) CIA killer.  And he uses June Havens (Cameron Diaz) a goofy blonde (type casting) to smuggle something through security in her suitcase of vintage auto replacement parts (see, they’re all metal, so no one would see the thing she was smuggling for Roy).  She’s not supposed to get on the plane, but then she does, hilarity ensues, and a good time is had by all.  Except for Peter Sarsgaard (who was not type cast at all).

But what this movie really did is bring Tom Cruise one step closer to respectable action icon and one step further away from bat-shit crazy couch jumper.  His first step was his role as studio executive Les Grossman in Tropic Thunder.  A role which he reprised at the MTV movie awards — which was cool, but the role was so long ago (in Hollywood terms) that I had to wonder if Tom was getting desperate for more positive publicity.  But after viewing this movie, I think he’ll get it.  Which made me think it was time to break out the Tom Cruise Crazy-O-Meter.   As the meter clearly shows, his bat-shit craziest moments were the Matt Lauer interview and the Oprah couch hopping incident.  His most awesomest is Maverick in Top Gun.

Right now the Tom Cruise Crazy-O-Meter has him right about at his reputation around Jerry Maguire (which was pretty good back then). Between Les Grossman, and now this flick, I gotta say that Tom’s reputation is headed back towards awesome and away from bat-shit crazy.  Good for you Tom (though I have nothing on Cameron Diaz traveling the world for cock.  I live in Los Angeles, and there are plenty of dicks right here.  Someone should tell her that).

This brings us to a new feature at Emasculated Dad, and that’s the ED Soapbox.

It’s time to stop judging celebrities’ personal lives.  Sure, one can make the argument that they did it to themselves.  They wanted fame, so they should be held to a higher standard.  Blah, blah, blah.  If they do something that gets you out of the house so you can be entertained, then good for them.  And good for you.  You benefit, too.  So what if Tom Cruise believes in some whacked out religion?  Maybe he channels it into his characters.  Maybe it makes for a better movie.  Let him believe what he wants.  Let him argue with whom he wants.  Because what we pay him for is to be entertaining.  This is a value I try to instill in my daughter, and if it’s good enough for her, it’s good enough for me.  And it should be good enough for you.  So let’s give all celebrities a break and let them be people too.

Except for Mel Gibson.  And Madonna bugs me because she’s intentionally controversial.  And everyone on Fox News because they’re all douche bags.  And we’ve already discussed how I feel about Katherine Heigl — judge her all you want.  Her meter goes from bitch to super bitch.  And Kate Gosselin does NOT get a pass.  Neither does anyone named Kardashian — I don’t care how big their ass is.  Oh, and holy shit will Tila Tequila please go the fuck away.  Someone said she looks like Gizmo.  And that’s insulting to Gizmo.

Rhetorical question of the day: Who's cuter?

Okay, so maybe not all celebrities deserve a break.  Maybe the majority of them deserve all the hate and ridicule they face on a daily basis, but based on Knight and Day, I think we can give Tom Cruise a break (for now).

I give Knight and Day four Ice Mans from Top Gun.

This is about the best gig Val Kilmer can get right now

Toy Story 3

We’ve got a real coup for you here at Emasculated Dad’s Movie Reviews as ED (Emasculated Dad for those of you abbreviationally challenged) gets to review his first movie on its release date!!!

How did he do it?  Did he sacrifice sleep and a productive Friday to catch the flick?  Wait in line at a midnight showing to be one of the first to see this movie?  Get invited to a preview screening with other movie critics?  No.  None of those.  Then how, pray tell, did he do it?  How did he see a movie so early (for him)?  I’ll tell you…

I didn’t.  But my my 5-year-old daughter did (she was a guest at a preview screening — I wasn’t invited).  So knowing her as well as I do, and confident that I can interpret her descriptions to relay an accurate review of this new Pixar release, I’m going to share my thoughts based on what my older daughter told me… so here we go (These are 100% accurate actual quotes).

I asked her what it was about, and where it took place.  She said, “They were in a classroom of a school.”

I asked EDOD (Emasculated Dad’s older daughter) if it was like The Breakfast Club.  She responded, “yeah” (which was funny because I didn’t even think she knew The Breakfast Club — but who am I to argue with a 5-year-old girl?).  So Buzz, Woody and the gang spend the day in detention at a high school library.

Could you describe the ruckus?

I asked my daughter what happened next, and this is what she said: ““They got something metal, and it fleeeew them up to the ceiling.  Because the ceiling was sticking to the metal.” This was a tricky one… flew up to a ceiling… oh, like the Fizzy Lifting Drink in Willy Wonka?  My daughter took 3 seconds from playing Plants vs. Zombies ($2.99 in the App store) by PopCap on my iPhone to say, “yeah.”  I’ll be honest, I’m not sure she’s really listening to me, but let’s go with it.  So the toys go to detention where they’re given a tour of a factory.  Buzz and Woody slip out and try one of the new secret products that flies them to the ceiling.”

Soda is bad for you, kids. Especially when it causes you to float towards deadly swirling blades.

So far this new Toy Story seems pretty darn exciting.  So I had to ask how it ends?  My daughter then tells me “They almost got in hot lava.  In a blazing hot stream of fire.”  WOW!  Pixar is getting bold.  Either that, or as my daughter is apt to do, she inserted hot lava into a game or story where there was none.  But having not seen the movie, I can’t really doubt her.  So I used my best deductive reasoning skills and came to the conclusion that this movie is similar to Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.  It seems to me that Emperor Zurg goes by the way of Gollum and falls into the lava river of Mordor, as can be seen in this rare screen shot:

Zurg joins Gollum in hot lava land.

Holy crap this movie is exciting.  I asked if that was the end.  She told me it wasn’t.  She said at the end “They ended up in Andy’s box, and he gave it to a little girl.” That proves it!  It is just like Willy Wonka.  Mr. Wonka gave his candy factory to little Charlie.  Andy gives his box of toys to a little girl!  So here’s what the movie is about (Spoiler Alert!):   The Toys win 5 golden detention tickets, tour a toy factory where they drink something they weren’t supposed to, then acquire the one Ring Pop to rule them all that they have to take back to Mordor to destroy, but instead they leave it on Andy’s desk and he gives the toy factory to a little girl just like in Willy Wonka.

So Toy Story 3 is a combination of  The Breakfast Club, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.  Hmmmm… that means Toy Story 3 just might be THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE!!!!!!    I can’t wait to see this for myself.

So based on what my daughter told me, I give Toy Story 3 the best rating I’ve ever given:

3 John Benders, 2 Wonka Bars, and 1 Ring to rule them all!

Killers Trailer Review

It occurred to me that with the relative infrequency I actually get to watch movies let alone review them, it might be fun to review movie trailers to fill the gaps between my insightful, inspiring and life changing movie reviews… So here’s the first one for the movie Killers.

One look at this poster, and I thought this might be the worst movie ever made.  Not because of the plot, the director, movie poster or title.  Because of the stars.  I’d be hard pressed to find two actors I can’t stand more than Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher.  Here’s why:

Katherine Heigl: Ungrateful, overrated pain in the ass who badmouths the writers and filmmakers who made her a household name.  Not to mention she was on Grey’s Anatomy and once dated Joey Lawrence.

Ashton Kutcher: Honestly, I hear he’s a nice guy, but I just can’t support a complete doofus who get’s into a Twitter follower war with a cable news network (CNN).  And wow, he married Demi Moore.  That would have been awesome back in, I don’t know… when did St. Elmo’s Fire come out?

Anyway, I watched the trailer.  And it’s lame.  But you should watch it before I go on (unless you’ve already seen it.  In that case, feel free to skip ahead).

After watching it, I decided to make a few of my own edits which I think greatly improve the trailer and the movie.  Here’s my version.

By the way, the hottie who gets clobbered by a chandelier around the 0:26 mark is Katheryn Winnick.

Katheryn > Katherine

She’s no Evangeline Lilly, but let’s take another look anyway.

I'll forgive her for wearing heels around the pool, but only because she's so pretty.

It looks like the consensus is with me regarding the movie, because it only made $15 million opening weekend on a budget of $75, which doesn’t seem good.  So ha ha Ashton.  Ha ha Katherine.  But sad for Katheryn.  I feel bad for her.  She gets clobbered by a chandelier, and her movie bombs.  We should all send her an e-card.

I give the original trailer to Killers 1.5 CNN logos.

"This is CNN. This is C..."

I give my Killers trailer 5 Demi Moores from Striptease.

5 Demis. 10 boobs.

Paranormal Activity

Yes, it’s been a long time since this dad got to review a movie, but since I actually have a fan out there, I was inspired to pick up the reviewing once more in hopes of finding another fan.  So without further ado… my review for Paranormal Activity.

After watching this flick that cost 18 cents to make and earned $6 trillion, I came to a couple of very important conclusions;  Ghosts only terrorize stupid people, and they do so without motivation.   Let me explain…

Katie (played by an actress named Katie) has been haunted by some ghostly entity (no, not an Olsen twin) since she was 8-years-old.

Holy shit what happened to these two? Oh, right. Heroin.

And now that she and her beau, Micah (played by an actor named Micah) are living together, the ghostly thing is back.  Katie finds an expert who comes in, gets freaked the fuck out, and tells them that this thing is dangerous and they need to call a friend of his who is a demonologist.  So what do they do…

Nothing.  And why, because Micah is a moron and thinks he can talk to this thing with a Ouija board.  See, this is why ghosts only terrorize stupid people.  Someone smart just might have called the demonologist right away, and maybe the demonologist would have come in with some wacky stuff and got rid of the demon.  But Katie and Micah are stupid, and have about 50 minutes of screen time they have to fill before an unsatisfying ending.  So they don’t call him.

I was picturing this particular demon hanging out with Jacob Marley, the Amityville horror ghosts and Caspar in a bar, laughing it up over a beer (Casper’s gotta be of legal drinking age by now) over how stupid these people are, and how the demon can’t wait for Micah to bring in the Ouiji Board because he’s gonna scribble something on it and then light it on fire.  Then Jacob Marley jumps in, “Oh, oh, write something nonsensical that he’ll spend hours trying to decipher.”  “Like what?”  Casper chimes in, “boobs!”  And they all share a laugh before heading back to their jobs of terror.

Which brings me to my second point… ghosts have no motivation.  I once heard a story about some studio executive send a note on an animated film about farm animals.  The note was, “A cow would never say that.”  And while that studio executive is a moron, he actually had a point.  Most characters in movies have motivation.  But not this one.  In fact, most ghosts that do have motivation are just out to haunt, terrorize and kill.  Why, I ask you!  Why?

I mean, they exist in some otherworldly place with… wait for it, SUPERNATURAL POWERS.  So why spend all your freaking time just being a dick or bitch?  This isn’t the case for all movies…

Poltergeist:  Family moves into a house built on a cemetery — and no one moved the bodies.  So needless to say, the dead are pissed and want their eternal resting place back. Motivation obvious on this one.

Ghost:  Patrick Swayze is killed by his friend, and has to stay behind to protect his wife from Ashton Kutcher.  Again, motivation pretty damn obvious.

Paranormal Activity:  Some chick named Katie played by a girl named Katie is haunted by something since she was 8, and it’s taken all this time for this demon to take over her body and kill her boyfriend who has no connection to the demon in any way, shape or form.  Maybe if he was Ashton Kutcher…

You know who had this right?  Casper.  Check this out:

Mmm... Wednesday Adams.

Now granted, Christina Ricci was only 15 in this movie, so it might seem a little creepy, but now she has a bird tattoo on her boob, so Casper obviously knew where this chick was headed (don’t believe me about the tattoo, then click here: http://www.drunkenstepfather.com/cms/ul/20080221-Christina_Ricci_Naked_Tit.jpg).  Also rent Black Snake Moan (Wednesday growd up gooooood).

Another thing this movie does that I’m kind of sick of is the creepy ghost crawling on all fours.  I mean, Casper dates back to 1939, and he can float and pass through walls.  Now demons can’t even walk upright and take months if not years just to possess a mortal in order to use the body to kill her idiot boyfriend.  Walking on all fours isn’t scary.  When my 1-year-old graduated from crawling to walking, we were all terrified.

And speaking of my 1-year-old, you know that scene in The Exorcist where Linda Blair projectile vomits all over the place?  Not scary.  You know why?  You expect something like this to do that:

Ah, Linda Blair. I liked you better in Chained Heat.

But when your 1-year-old cuddles on your shoulder, utters the word “da-da” for the very first time, then proceeds to bombard you with 3 gallons of regurgitated formula out of freaking nowhere, that’s scary!

So what I’m saying to all the makers of horror ghost type movies – stop getting lazy and making them lame.  Parts of Paranormal Activity were tense.  Suspenseful.  Freaky even.  But the ending was so lame because I had no idea what happened and why it happened.  And I felt cheated.  Like when I spent $125 for an apartment finding service that never found me an apartment and never gave me my money back.  This was back in 1997.  I have trouble letting go.

But all you movie people, if you want to make a really good ghost movie, might I suggest starting with this:

Now this is a ghost I can get behind.

I give Paranormal Activity 2 Zelda Rubinsteins.

Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire (aka The most pretentious film title ever)

I’m going to start with sharing a very important lesson I learned about this whole blogging thing… and that is don’t commit to reviewing a movie based on some outlandish idea before really thinking about how much freaking work that idea is going to take.

I decided to review Precious before actually seeing it, because I thought it would be funny to compare it to other movies that had characters named Precious in them — in this case Lord of the Rings (the ring was called “precious” by Gollum) and The Silence of the Lambs (Buffalo Bill’s dog is named Precious).

And both were movies based on books, and they didn’t have obnoxious titles like “The Silence of the Lambs based on the novel The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris.”  And I was going to go on a rant about how Sapphire, the author of Push, which is the book that Precious: based on the novel Push by Sapphire, sounds like one of the fairy princesses from the land of puffy clouds that my daughter plays with… or a leggy stripper in Vegas.  But definitely not an author of a book that was going to be the basis of a movie with a different name.

But what really sucked up all my free time (the time between getting the kids dressed, fed, to school, to gymnastics, to bed) was the stupid video parody I was going to make.  Well, I shat out the video yesterday, and to me it sums up the whole movie Precious: based on the novel Push by Sapphire.  And here it is…

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Next Review:  TBD (because I’m not going to make the same mistake I made with Precious: based on the novel Push by Sapphire).

The Hurt Locker

This is a good movie.  I’d say possibly a favorite to win best picture.  I was rooting for it until James Cameron said that if he didn’t win best picture for Avatar, then he’d want The Hurt Locker to win (because it was directed by his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow).  But if any other movie won best picture over Avatar, he’d be pissed.

So now I want any other picture to win best picture over Avatar.  Because James Cameron is an ass.   If you need evidence as to why, take a looky at his Golden Globe acceptance speech (his speech starts at the 1:15 mark — notice how few people applaud.  Why?  Because they’re smart and have class).

“This is the best job in the world, it really is, and I just want you to give it up for yourselves.”  Jack.  Ass.

I will grant him that it’s the best job.  You get paid shit loads of money to entertain.  But Jim, Jim… unemployment is over 10% — even higher in the freaking county you live in.  There are two wars going on.  A whole shitload of people don’t have health insurance.  People are losing their homes.  200,000 people just died in Haiti.  So show some fucking humility.  My wife is a teacher, so I’m gonna go out on a limb to say what she does is a whole lot more important than what you do.

So on Oscar night, I’m rooting for Inglourious Basterds or District 9.  And for James Cameron to trip over Quentin Tarantino’s outstretched leg and lose an eye when he spears his head on Lady Gaga’s outfit.  That would be ironic because you need both eyes to enjoy 3-D.  So there.

Anyway, on to The Hurt Locker.  Good movie.  The writer was an embedded journalist in Iraq, and saw all this stuff first hand, so it’s safe to say what you see is an authentic representation of this war.  And the commentary portraying the issue of how some of these soldiers come back home and are lost because of loss of purpose, gratitude and adrenaline.  I get it.  And the character development of James, Sanborn and Edridge is well done.   But it was the ending where the movie lost me.

James goes home to his wife and son.  Has no sense of purpose.  Only loves one thing — being a hero by diffusing bombs.  He feels empty.  So he chooses to go back to Iraq — even though he’s been honorably discharged.  Okay…  fair enough.  I get it.  But there is one little problem.  HIS WIFE IS EVANGELINE LILLY!    As in… her:

Seriously, one of the most naturally beautiful women I’ve ever seen (that includes you Anna Faris of the last review).  So, James has two choices — go back to Iraq for a year and risk getting his dick blown off by an IED… or stay home in his boring, mundane life and risk getting his dick blown by Evangeline Lilly.  Mind still not made up?  Let’s do a little visual comparison.

I rest my case your honor (BTW (that’s “by the way” for you abbreviationally challenged) – there are a lot more gruesome pictures on the aftermath of IED explosions on-line — I’m just trying to use a little bit of tact and decorum).

Here’s the thing, being married with kids can be just as dangerous as defusing improvised explosive devices in a war torn hellhole.  For instance, you could accidentally wash your wife’s dry cleaning in the washer on hot, the dry it on the highest setting in the dryer.  You could not have a job for six months, then get caught playing Madden 10 when you should be looking for a job.  And at any  moment when your kids are between the ages of 2-5, you’ll be convinced that they are out to kill you — especially when you tell them they can’t have a 3rd package of Crushers (not that I would know about any of this first hand… not me… never did any of that…).

With that in mind, I have some suggestions for James when he’s jonesing for adrenaline:

The obvious

1. Skydiving.
2. Become an MMA fighter.
3. Drag racing.

The less obvious

1. Sneak in while your wife (Evangeline Lilly) takes a shower.
2. Watch your wife (Evangeline Lilly) make dinner.
3. Sit perfectly still and think about how your wife is EVANGELINE LILY!

That’s why I didn’t buy the end.  He didn’t even try.  They showed a couple of scenes where he was cutting carrots, buying cereal, and cleaning out the gutter.  Yeah, I’m sure that’s all he’s gonna do.  Here’s the thing… there was plenty of down time in Iraq, too.  And there was no Evangeline Lilly.

The Hurt Locker was a good movie.  But James is a dope, and I can only imagine what happened right before his shipped back to Iraq.  Jame’s wife (played by Evangeline Lilly): “You want to go back to Iraq, James?  Here’s what I have to say to that.”

See, look how freaking cute she is even when giving the finger!!!

If you can get past the little part about James leaving an uber hottie at the end of the movie, then The Hurt Locker is definitely worth a watch (in my case on Blu-Ray since the only movies I get to see in the theater anymore are animated and rated G.  Curse you Alvin and your little Chipmunk brethren).  Oh, and Kathryn Bigelow gets points for getting David Morse to act without chewing gum (see his stint on House or role in 16 Blocks if you don’t know what I’m talking about).

I give The Hurt Locker 4 Kate Austen Action figures.

Next Review: Precious

The First Review – “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel”

Oscar season is officially upon us, so I can find no better time to start my movie reviews than right now.  And by “right now” I of course am referring to the post 10:00 p.m. period on a Thursday night after the wife and kids are in bed, and I’ve downed my favorite shot combination.  Scotch chased with 5-hour-energy chased with Mountain Dew.

With the expanded best picture category, there are now 10 films to consider for best picture.  So with that in mind, I  felt it appropriate to launch my reviews with a film not in that category.  A film that, in fact, received a total of zero Oscar nominations, and that is “Alvin and the Chipmunks: the Squeakquel,” which I saw with my daughter this week in an empty theater in Glendale which was nice because I could check my iPhone and text without the guilt and glares.

I still harbor ill will towards the original Chipmunks movie for a line my older daughter picked up and proceeded to repeat anywhere and everywhere.  It’s not so much a line than a lyric, and it goes like this… “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?  Don’t you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me.”  Okay, overprotective Dad warning who doesn’t do well with glares from strangers — but that’s not something I want her singing in public.  Ever.  I much prefer the time when she was three and waltzed through the lingerie section at Macy’s tapping the bras and saying “Boobs.  Boobs.  Boobs.”  That was funny.  Pussycat Dolls lyrics… not so funny.   Okay, on with the review…

Ah Alvin, my affinity for you from my childhood ranks right up there with Godzilla and Benny Hill.  He was the cool kid.  The rebel.  A chipmunk with cojones.  And it was nice to see nothing has changed in all those years — except for now he’s a CG character badly composited into a live action world.  James Cameron would have done it much better, and for much, much more money.  Anyway, here’s what this dad took from this movie.

Jason Lee (plays Dave Seville) really didn’t want to be in this movie.  The producers really wanted him in this movie, but were seemingly pissed off that he didn’t want to be in the movie.  So in the opening scene, while watching his boys perform at some Live Aid type concert, Dave Seville gets clobbered by a giant hanging Alvin face and spends the rest of the movie in a total body cast in a Paris Hospital.  In other words, 1 week of work.  I’m sure the regret and self-loathing he must feel by going from “My Name is Earl” to “My Name is Squirrel” (see what I did there, I made a joke that a 5-year-old would laugh at because chipmunks are like squirrels and he was in a show where his name was Earl, and Earl rhymes with squirrel… See?  Okay, now I’m embarrassed that I actually wrote that).  Back to the review.

Dave gets slammed during a concert where a bunch of teenage girls are going ape shit for 3 tiny singing chipmunks, which made me wonder what the movie was saying about teenage bestiality.  Alvin and his brothers then go back to live with Mrs. Landingham from “The West Wing” who is now Dave’s aunt and has an affinity for popcorn – but then she rolls down the stairs backwards on her wheelchair, so they get handed off to her dopey grandson Toby (or something like that).  Isn’t it awesome when filmmakers use the same exact beat in consecutive scenes?  Dave gets hurt, hands off the boys to old popcorn lady.  Old popcorn lady gets hurt, hands chipmunks off to 2009 slacker stereotype.  Wow, what originality.

Then a whole bunch of other stuff happens that mostly includes the arrival of the Chipettes.   Now here’s what you need to know about the Chipettes – anyone on the freaking planet could have voiced them, because, as you know the voices are pitched so high you’d never know who was doing the voice.  But this is who they got:  Amy Poehler, Anna Farris and Christina Applegate.  2 very hot women, and one comedy hot woman (Amy Poehler is cute in the comedy world.  She is.  Really.  Really).  But here’s my point — if you’re going to cast those three, then I don’t want to seem them as CG chipmunks!!!!  What a freaking waste.

YES!

No.

After the Chipettes arrive, David Cross comes back, probably wondering when the fuck they’re going to make “The Arrested Development” movie and pits the girls against the boys.  Then I kind of dozed off.

When I awoke, Alvin was hanging onto the side of a helicopter Rambo style bringing the girls back for some school concert competition so Wendy Malick could win $25,000 for the school’s music program.  Then Dave came back, the doofus stereotype got the girl even though he did nothing to earn it, and that was that.

Bottom line, this movie basically says that girls can’t do anything without the help from boys and their helicopters.  And that they’re into bestiality.  But when the credits rolled, my daughter said, “That was fun.”  So in the end the experience that was “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel” was well worth it.  I give this move 2.5 pacifiers.

NEXT REVIEW:  The Hurt Locker.